SCARE TACTICS
Yes, I know, Halloween already happened and there’s a full year until the next one. But here’s the thing: If you want your costume to compete in any viable way with Heidi Klum’s bodysuit spectacle of exposed brains, mysterious tubes, and leaky fluids (which took her about 10 hours to put on) you’d better get started now. And the same goes for your jack o’lanterns, of which thousands of gourd-geous specimens haunted social media. (Plus if you start now, that pumpkin will be truly frightening by next October.)
A-B-C-D-WTF?
There’s plenty of ambient evidence that something science-y went horribly wrong with the Hadron supercollider and that our collective existence has been inexorably diverted to a dark alternate timeline where nothing is real. But just in case you need more, I recommend checking out the “new” version of the Alphabet Song, which eschews the ditty’s signature and delightful legato that once so merrily carried the “LMNOP” part in favor of a criminally clunky cadence that ostensibly makes the song (reminder: We are talking about the ABCs) easier to learn, and which has been making the Internet’s ears bleed and causing little stars to stop twinkling altogether.
CULTURE CLUB
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Cultural gatekeeping, as the kids are calling it, isn’t cute. (Example: “Oh, you like cathedrals? NAME TEN OF THEM.”) But a new meme mocking this tried-and-trolly technique of, well, men in general, is pretty solid stuff. Some standout examples: “Oh you like math? Name every number.”; “Oh you like music? Name every sound ever.”; “Oh you like online scams? Name every number on your credit card.”; and my personal favorite, “Oh you like epistemology? How do you know?” As for me, I’m sticking to the only litmus test that effectively gauges your ability to participate in contemporary culture: Sing me the alphabet.
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ATHLETIC SUPPORT
And lastly, R.I.P. Deadspin, the popular sports-and-other-stuff site which isn’t actually dead-dead, but may as well be after a massive walkout of writers and editors who defied orders from its new CEO to abandon their cutting commentary about everything from politics, pop culture, and pooping joggers and “stick to sports.” As someone who regularly consulted Deadspin for everything but athletics (because I do not understand them and they frighten me), this whole thing strikes me as a particularly egregious foul-penalty thing which should be punished by, like, subtracting runs from the score-point board or something along those lines.
MICHAEL ANDOR BRODEUR
"thing" - Google News
November 02, 2019 at 05:40AM
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It’s a Thing: Ghoul goals, alphabet sacrilege, gatekeeper gags, and poor sports - The Boston Globe
"thing" - Google News
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